How I Can Help
We are meant to feel good, but unfortunately socialisation has got in
the way and created havoc. We have an internal navigation system that shows us where to go but
most of us are not in touch with that at all.
We live in a society where self worth is based on what we achieve, what we possess and what
others think about us. No wonder we feel exhausted, it’s a never ending struggle and deep down
we don’t feel worthy at all. Underneath this is a sense of shame and that there is something wrong
with us. A belief that everyone else has it together but I don’t. Or maybe you shine the torch in the
opposite direction to shame and move into grandiosity. That feels better, but you will not be able
to connect and be truly intimate with others. We want our self worth to be based on the fact
that we are here in physical form on this planet. We don’t have to do or be anything to feel
We want connection, it is a human basic need. We often think that the opposite of addiction is
abstinence but it is not it is connection. Most of us are addicted to something be it sugar, caffeine,
alcohol, gossip, our phones, computers, TV, orgasm, sex and many other things. We don’t truly
feel connected to ourselves. We don’t even trust ourselves and would you blame us? We are
forever overstepping our own boundaries. We also need to connect to others in a way that is
nourishing for us, which brings us to the next want.
We want to feel authentic. We want to be able to be our true selves with all so called “good” and
“bad” that we are. We want to be connected with others from this place knowing that we don’t
have to play a game and pretend to be something we are not to be loved. We all have an inner
child who’s needs haven’t been met and comes up in our interactions especially in intimate
We want to feel spiritually connected. We often hear that we are all connected and all one
however many of us never experience the connection. And no matter how hard you “try” you can’t
think yourself to this, you have to feel it.
We want to feel special. And we are! There is only one you, some may be similar to you in
different ways, but there is only and ever will be one you. You are actually more than special you
are a miracle! Yet most of us feel that others are better than us, that we need to learn more, do
more or change things about ourselves to feel enough. We are too old, young, fat, skinny, tall,
short, stupid, intellectual, boring, full on, sexy, fridged etc, etc………..
We want balance between giving and receiving. Do you give more than you receive? Most of
us do and it is exhausting. Often we don’t even know what we want and how we can receive. We
find it hard to ask for what we want and saying no to others. In some ways it may feel good that
people ask and appreciate us for what we do, but often it is to the detriment of ourselves.
We want to feel everything in our bodies. When we can feel into ourselves and honour what we
are feeling we can find a way back to our own internal compass. Our feelings give us information
about what is going on and most often we don’t listen (for all sorts of reasons). Our feelings show
us what our needs and boundaries are in that moment. We can literally feel our way through life.
We want to let go of beliefs that are not serving us. Especially beliefs like I am not good
enough, I am unlovable, there is something wrong with me. These are deeply ingrained in us and
often passed on for many generations. By gently untangling them we can stop giving them power
and stop believing them.
We want to feel pleasure. Pleasure is our birthright! We are orgasmic beings, yet most of us only
experience peak orgasms and some don’t even have those. So much more pleasure is available
to us as women, we just need to learn how.
We want to feel safe in our bodies, reading this you may think that you do feel safe and
consciously you may do but the unconscious is a different matter. The unconscious’ job is to keep
us safe and often it is repeating a pattern which it has brought with it from early childhood. If we
really did feel safe we wouldn’t worry about things happening to us, what others think, compare
ourselves with others etc, we would know that we are enough just as we are.
We want to love and connect to every part of our body. How often do you check in with your
womb or your cervix? Do you ever talk to your breasts or your heart. Do you appreciate your
beautiful hands and your feet who have done so much for you during your life? Every body part
can help you understand yourself more. Every body part deserves to be loved and honoured by
you and everyone who comes into contact with you.
We want to take responsibility for our emotions, actually we probably don’t want to but we are
suffering by not doing this. Emotions are energy in motion, they are meant to move through us.
For most of us they are stuck in our bodies and we don’t want to feel them. They are often
triggered by someone outside ourselves (which reminds us of the original imprint that happened in
our childhood) and we project onto them. If only they did or didn’t xyz I wouldn’t be feeling the
emotion. We take on the victim role and normally find people who will support us in the role. To
get out of this pattern we need to take responsibility for our own emotions, they have nothing to
do with the other person, the other person is just highlighting there is something we need to look
at. We can find ways of being with that emotion and letting it flow through us.
We want lovemaking to be sacred. We joke that our bodies are a temple yet we long for them to
be treated like one. We want to be entered with honour and presence. We want to feel safe and
held in a space where we can surrender and let whatever arrises come to the surface. We want to
feel truly connected to our lover knowing that together we are journeying into ourselves and each
We want to let go of what no longer serves us. Unconsciously we hold on to patterns that do not
serve us. These may well have been imprinted in early childhood but also trauma that can happen
at any point in our lives is stored in our physical body and energy field. We all suffer from trauma
even if we are not aware of it. The body has a great way of shutting down so we don’t feel it, but it
is still there.
We want to know that love is inside us, not something to search for outside ourselves. We
experience separation as humans and as mentioned above we don’t feel connected to everyone
and everything, we feel separate. Often our caregivers have not been able to give us all the love
and care we need and to heal this pattern we keep looking outside ourselves for love. The belief “I
am not loveable” often lures in the background and guess what: we attract what we believe (not
what we want) so we keep attracting people and experiences into our lives that prove we are not
loveable. When we start journeying inside ourselves real love starts to appear.