Sounds good doesn’t it? What do those words make you think of? sacred union, a melting of 2 into 1, connecting to the divine, surrounding of golden light, bliss or maybe something completely different.
Those were my ideas of what a divine lover would be like. We would be able to make true love that opens our hearts and heals our bodies. We would be surrounded by golden light and merge with the divine.
When reaching higher states of consciousness through meditation or breathing my divine lover and I both experience these states with each other. In reality in our physical bodies it’s a different story…….
All the wounding that we are carrying needs to be felt and loved to move on to the next level. Let me give you some practical examples of what I mean.
The father represent the backbone, the support that is always there. Unfortunately my father could not even support himself let alone his children. Everything was about his needs, my needs were never considered, only what he thought was best for me. I didn’t feel supported so I learned to survive by supporting myself. I became Mrs I can do it all, super woman, I don’t need help. And I stopped allowing myself to receive support. I started building a barrier. There is also a feeling of if someone supports me I have to give something back. And I know there is also something in not feeling worthy of receiving what I want. Add to that all the ancestral wounds that I carry from women in my lineage not feeling supported and the collective wounding around this. You can imagine there is a lot here!!
So I have to feel that and release that in the presence of my divine lover and allow him to support me and for me to feel supported by him. As you can imagine there are many layers to this and every time I allow myself to feel the grief and anger another layer of forgiveness naturally unfolds.
Another wound is the sexualisation of women. I long to be with a lover who honours me as a sacred being. Someone who doesn’t get caught up in old patterns of goal based sex. Someone who can be with me from an embodied state of presence. When I am on my own I find honouring myself from an embodied state a lot easier than when a man is present. Yesterday we got caught up in old patterns of pleasure based, goal oriented sex. My body was saying no, but my mind was saying yes. After having a peak orgasm my body was shaking and tears were streaming from my eyes. I was feeling all the pain from my ancestors and I was experiencing all the confusion there is around sexuality. Divine lover had to hold the space for me during all of this. Part of him wanted to stop me feeling “bad” and he was also unsure if he had done something “wrong”. We talked about it all, communication is vital, if not we just imagine what is happening for the other person and often that is not their truth.
Journeying with a divine lover is not a dance on roses. It is raw, it is vulnerable and that can be scary. It takes courage and radical self responsibility. And it is also a journey of true love making by accepting and being very kind and gentle with everything that arrises.
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