Fear seems to be rife at the moment. Fear of covid, fear of the vaccine, fear of the system, fear of it crumbling and I imagine fear happens when we don’t feel safe, when we don’t trust, when we don’t feel we have choice and when we can no longer control.
The nervous system of the planet is recalibrating, so is ours and it is not pleasant!
I feel this within me too, do you? I feel that my fear is moving to the next level. There is huge resistance to the fear, like a fear of the fear, a fear of letting go and surrendering to what is there, a need to hang on and control. And isn’t it interesting how we may want change but it is also SSSOO comforting staying with what we know, even though it’s painful. This very strong part of me does not want to change, nope, no need, everything is good ie everything is know! And this other part of me is calling me to surrender the fear, to feel it all, knowing that this is my path, the ever unfolding journey of my soul.
Feeling it does not happen all at once, my body once told me that there was no way I could cope with that, so it unfolds slowly, at just the right speed for me. It also happens in just the right way for me. Today when having a TRE session with my teacher I noticed I was doing an exercise and a fear of getting it wrong arose. I voiced how I felt to him and that in itself was enough to release it for me. Often I fear rejection and withdraw and ultimately reject myself, but by voicing what I am experiencing I am no longer rejecting myself any more. I could feel quite a shift in my body and the movements I was making.
Yesterday I had a singing lesson and was singing a whole song feeling cringeworthy. I was fearful that those sitting outside would judge me to sound awful, worried about anyone who could hear me and slightly worried about my teachers judgement. My teacher was great and told me I just needed the song in a different key to suit me which really did work. Feeling into it afterwards though I am going to ask her next lesson to look me in the eye and say: Lisa that sounded horrendous, I imagine those people sitting outside must be cringing having to listen to your terrible voice. I have never heard anything so awful in my entire time as a singing teacher. I will then feel what that feels like, notice what happens in my body, I imagine it will be quite healing to hear from her what I am telling myself anyway and to face the fear that is there.
Every morning I wake up with a feeling of fear. I judge that to be bad. That I should be free of fear, all enlightened or at least it shouldn’t be there all the time. I mean, if I was somewhat enlightened I certainly wouldn’t be feeling fear every day, it would just be a now and again right? Surely I would be feeling love and joy most the time. And I am learning to love the fear, not try to push it away, but to embrace it, feel it, hold it, talk to it, breathe into it, give it what it needs, express it, surrender to it, let it move where it wants to move and accept it as part of me and nothing something separate.
I know my fears are not my enemies and something to be pushed away, but my wounded self that is trying to protect me from feeling something a younger me could not cope with. A wound that I chose to heal in this life individually and collectively.
We all have fears, it is part of being human, let’s no longer resist them but accept and share with ourselves and each other. I would love you to reach out and share your fears.