I was thinking how close England were to winning to European Cup recently and how the words coming home are used. How excited everyone was at the thought of bringing it home, how we gathered in communities to support the team and how many emotions were brought to the surface.
I reflected on my own journey of coming home to my truth. How I also need community and support but ultimately it is a journey only I can travel. I see more clearly now that everything happening in my life is part of my journey. I thought about the 6 or so years of being anorexic and remembered how painful it was for me to get though every day, writing these words is brining up emotion of sadness and I now know that these pass as they just have, I am not my emotions, they are meant to move through me.
I see how everything that has presented itself in my life is a reflection of my unconscious beliefs. I see how I co created scenarios with others only to prove that I couldn’t trust them when ultimately I was the one who as abandoning myself. I see how my longing for love and connection with another is a reflection of my internal longing for love and connection with myself. How everything that is happening outside me is a reflection of what is happening inside too. I have known this in my head for a long time but it now feels as if I have embodied it at a much deeper level. Training in Holistic Pelvic Care really helped me come more fully into my body and in particular my first and second chakra. I am quite good at physical boundaries these days and it helped me be able to set more clear energetic boundaries for myself.
I have decided to take September to go deeper into self love and care. I am used to getting stimulation from outside myself via phone, email, social media etc and I am closing those doors. I am looking at what I want from a lover and I am giving ALL of that to myself. When I open the inflow of pleasure through my skin I know that no-one can touch me the way I do. And I am opening to receive though the divine as the greatest lover of all. I am also noticing that everything that triggers me on the outside is an invitation to go within and see what I need from myself.
Feeling called to join me? Please get in touch