I am being guided to step into leadership and it scares the hell out of me. What if I can’t give people the answers they want? What if I mess up? What if people don’t receive a “good|” experience bla bla bla. All reflections of the not good enough wound and the belief that I am responsible for others peoples experience. And while it is great to be aware of these beliefs that are holding me back it’s not so good to keep them running the show.
I recently wrote a letter to myself about all that I admired in myself. One theme that kept repeating itself was that every time I feel called to do something, feel terrified and do it, something deep happens inside me. A feeling of returning home to the truth of who I am. That could be expressing my truth to someone when feeling frightened of how they would react or doing something daring like becoming a tantric practitioner. It could also be sharing something in a blog that felt shameful and vulnerable and knowing that whoever read it may judge me. I sometimes notice that when I share a blog I judge it to be “wrong” which in reality can’t happen because it is me!!!
The Somatic Consent community has hugely supported me be me, all of me. The calls that we have every Saturday morning have changed me from noticing that I “should” be feeling like someone else to what I feel is perfect and welcome, no matter what it is. During today’s call I got triggered by Matt (teacher) to start with and then the rest of the group. I went into all sorts of stories and reactions and then a space was created for me to share that which felt sssssooooo good. Awakening the hands also helps me self regulate and calm my nervous system.
Last week I attended a breathwork session with the amazing Bas. I noticed a lot of resistance to “being told what to do”. This is a huge theme for me a the moment and I am seeing how this is guiding me into leadership. Both Bas and Matt were supporting me (and others in the group) from a place of love and care however I was venturing into emotions of being controlled, doing what I was told to and having to do what was right for others and not me!! I released a lot of emotions when I could really feel this during the breathwork, and when Bas said I’ve got you Lisa (noticing emotions writing this), I knew and felt he was holding me in his heart. He was supporting me, not telling me what to do.
Today the whispers of my soul told me to step into leadership. That I am feeling called because at some point in my life I longed for someone to lead me. I longed to be led by someone who had my best interests at heart, who could hold and love me unconditionally whatever I was experiencing and not tell me how or what I should be feeling, doing, being. So I am doing my best to do that to whoever finds me, be it clients, friends or a tribe. I am drawn towards creating a conscious community in the North of England. Do you want to join me?
What are you feeling called to do? It’s ok to be scared and not get it right we are human and everything is a learning experience. Let’s create spaces and communities where we can grow together side by side in a way that wasn’t possible when we grew up.