I have a client who I imagine to be a pleasure seeker, to be honest many come to me seeking
pleasure. He likes fast cars, beautiful women and expensive watches, I call him Mr Bond. Before
meeting me he had explored with a few different Tantricas, but they were not giving him what he
was looking for, not in that moment anyway. Mr Bond and I have experienced many different
types of pleasure, not 2 sessions are the same. He has also assisted me in some deep healing
and de armouring which has been painful for me. I am really beginning to love and appreciate pain
and the word pleasure is leaving a bitter taste in my mouth and irritation in my yoni. Let me
explain why.
When it comes to sexuality we in the West have been taught that it serves 2 purposes: procreation
and pleasure right? NO! The most vital part of our sexuality it that it can heal us, enlighten us,
connect us to the source, oneness, god whatever you want to call it. Yet most people see it as a
source of more pleasure. They see Tantra as having sex for longer, expanding into more pleasure,
becoming multi orgasmic. And yes that is possible and I will admit I have been going down that
route for a while, thinking that everything that was pleasurable was actually good for me. I am not
saying that pleasure isn’t healthy, but it feels like I’m unbalanced (that addictive, entitled taste). My
dear friend Lady Grey taught me that balance is one of the most important things for us. I sense
that to be balanced I need to dive into pain (any unpleasant feeling) with as much enthusiasm as I
do pleasure. Pain is good, pain helps us grow and expand. Now this can be tricky as most of us
have been brought up to avoid pain at any costs, but it is very liberating. Any feeling will flow
through a baby in minutes if you just let it happen and we could learn a lot about being in our
natural state by observing babies.
So instead of self pleasuring I now self nurture. That means spending time being present with
myself and whatever arrises without having a goal or expectation. There is normally a lot of anger,
sadness and pleasure. It’s about showing up for myself and appreciating every part of myself
including the ones I perceive as bad.
Every action I do (well I will be honest I don’t remember all the time) I ask myself if this is
nourishing for me. If the answer is no I may still choose to do it (for many different reasons), but I
know I am going against myself. If the answer is yes and I do it I know I am doing what is right for
me. Eating chocolate is nourishing, I was anorexic for years and have denied my body so much.
It’s nourishing to avoid the gym after years of beating myself up there. Its nourishing for me to
lean into pain and cry whenever tears come to my eyes. Only you know what is nourishing for you
every soul is different.
So when Mr Bond arrived for his recent session he wasn’t too pleased when I told him pleasure
was no longer where we were going. Nurture was the name of the game.
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